Mercy Me

Ok, I read all of your responses and I already felt horrible about not taking her but let me explain what happened and then let me know what I should do.. I tell you guys I am so……….I can’t even think of the word to describe it but I have to make the right decision here.  Ok, the last time we went to WV (only a week ago when she was caught on the computer for the second time) to pick up my son we told my daughter that she wasn’t going thinking that would be punishment enough so when we woke up we told her to get her things so we could drop her off to her grandma well, we just kept right on going to the highway.  I was such a softy that I couldn’t leave her.  SO while in the rest stop I asked her if she knew she was coming and she shrugged her shoulders as if she didn’t care and said she knew I wouldn’t leave her.  So here goes the dillema,  I’ve already told her She wasn’t going and that this was her punishment.  My dad has a lot planned for her and wants to have an endearing talk with her.  What will that show her if I go back on my word again?

Today I am posting about a personal problem that I’ve been dealing with over the past month or so..  I found out that my 12 year old daughter had a web page on black planet (similar to my space) except I guess it’s for blacks.  Well, I’d never heard of that site so my husband happened to run across it while checking the history of which sites had been visited.  Well, there it was describing herself as a tall, light brown skin, girl with a big butt!  I was stunned.  I cried for 3 days literally non stop.  Evertime I thought  about it I broke down.  I cried more than she did and believe me I gave her something to cry about. Well, we busted her again sneaking on the computer. then night before last she was busted talking to a 16 year old at 1:30 in the morining. Which she met him on the computer.  I called his house and talked to his mother and let her know that my daughter was only 12 and asked her to call me if my # showed up on her caller id again.  I have talked and talked to her and I’m at my witts end.  I don’t want her to make mistakes that she will definitely regret.  I don’t know what steps to take.  In two weeks we are going on a family trip and I asked my dad to keep her.  I told her she wasn’t going.  I really want her to know that she has to own up to what she did and there are conscequnces.  She was very honest and I told her that if she wanted to talk to a boy that bad she should have come to me and aksed me was it ok.  Of course I would have said hell no!  Well, usually I don’t put my personal business on here but I need advice from all of you. Thanks!

I have been so busy lately.  But here goes.  Jo asked me last week to atleast committ  to her losing one pound this week.  I told her I would commit to losing two.  Well,  I must tell you I LOST 3 POUNDS!!!!!! I had been so worried that I didn’t know what to do.  I just kept focused dropped the atkins for a while and did portion control. I don’t know what I’ll be doing from day to day but I have to try to stay focused any way possible.  Thanks to all of you putting up with me.  I am having computer problems so I hope I can post this.  Thanks again!

Ok, I am going to start this blog out by saying that the position that I am in is all my fault.  I know that only way for me to stop this pattern is to be like nike and just do it.  But why is that not happening. 

Ok, here goes.  Have you ever been left behind or you were left out of something because you got yourself into trouble and your parents said no, you can’t go because of what you did and now this is your punishment?  That thing that caused so many hurt feelings knowing that you had total control over what you did and you did it anyways and now you are left behind.  Well, as i read everyones blog that is how I feel.  It’s been almost a month now and I have not been able to get back on track like I should.  I have gained my last two weigh ins and I am not committed to anything.  Not my diet or my food.  I know that I have to make my decisions and this is not the first blog I have posted  like this..  Some said you have to just do it, some said you can either be fat or skinny (not those words) and some said oh, you’ll get it together. Well, I haven’t and I feel so left behind.  This is not a depressed state I am in it’s just my true feelings.  So, here goes and I promise to you because any commitments that I make to myself I don’t keep lately.  I am going to limit myself to 1200 calories a day. I am going to exercise 3 time a week.  And I am going to make my husband pick up my FREE bike, and elyptical from my dads that he has had waiting for me for over 2 months.  I am going to west virginia to pick up my son.  My aunt is meeting me in charleston and we’re staying over night.  My son has been in Charlotte for 2 weeks now and I’m ready to get my baby. So there goes in a nutshell, I don’t know if I want comments to this blog but you use your discrestion. (emotions speaking)lol

I gained 2 pounds.   I forgot to weigh in first thing this morning so I just went up stairs to weigh in ..  I must say I was happy aabout the 2 believe me it couldv;e been a lot worse.  I ate a salad for lunch today.  I added grapes, walnuts and sunflower seeds.  I ordered from ya ya’s.  so the flamed broiled chicken was good and healthy.  No exercise still.  Tomorrow I have to work from 9-9 so I’ll try the gym on my lunch hour.  Wish me luck!

I honestly forgot to weighin.  I know there shouldn’t be any excuses but if you have watched the weather across the us were one of the hottest here in mich.  the heat index was 105 yesterday and today.  So the last thing on my mind was weighing in.. I have been drinking so much water lately.  Then on top of that we’ve had power outages and a water main break.  YUK!  my water was yellowish/orange.  I haven’t been eating a whole lot because it’s too hot!  I’m unable to cook.  I have a portable room ac but it’s still 86 degrees in my living room.  I don’t want to know what the temp is in our kitchen.  So tomorrow I will definitely weighin.  I went to the gym yesterday.  But guess what it was the guys day.  tu,th,sat womens day.. I will try again thu.